This winter and spring were rough for my depression. I lost all energy and passion with my creative side, which only made my depression worse.
A horrible cycle that just goes round and round.
Work has been stressful and we're in the midst of planning to build our dream house next spring, so to say I have a lot on my mind is an understatement.
But knowing all this never stops me from passing judgement on myself. Putting myself down for the lack of projects I have on the go or not opening my laptop to write.
I went onto Instagram and my anxiety went through the roof because I couldn't remember when I had posted last.
What do I post now? Do I need to explain myself? Do I just post something and hope no one questions it? What happens if something checks in to see if I'm all right?
The thought that I could lose all interest for creative things is terrifying. I know it's not a rational fear and know depression can steal a lot of joy from my life.
It's as if I put myself into this tiny box with such strict categories of what I should consider creativity, which ends up overshadowing all the wonderful things that I am doing creatively.
As an example, I finally took an idea I had since we were in Japan in 2019 and accomplished it. It was hours and hours of hard work, but it came out just as amazing as I hoped it would.
Here it is...
So why didn't I think this counted as being creative? My depression and anxiety had put blinders on me to only believe and focus on my novel. But my creative side made this website and idea happen. An idea that was thought of while waiting for our train and my husband and I brainstormed over for the rest of the trip.
As I've mentioned in other posts, we all need to take it easy on ourselves. The pressure we create and judgement we pass on ourselves is hurtful. I need to remind myself that if one of my friends were talking to themselves the way I do, would I allow them to continue?
I'd be the first to encourage them and point out all the wonderful things they're ignoring or unable to see.
What creative things have you been working on? Was there something you didn't think was creative, but now do? I'd love to hear about them!